Grandpa: Part 1

I’m not completely sure where to begin in talking about my Grandpa’s recent death. There is so much that can be said, but in a way it feels useless; nothing will bring him back. Walking through the loss of a Grandparent has made me realize how insensitive I have been to others I know who have lost their Grandparents in the past. I used to think that if they had lived a long life and knew Jesus as their Savior that the family should be happy that they went to be with the Lord.

 

But I’m realizing that we can know that in our heads, but it’s hard to convince our hearts of that fact. It will always hurt, and it should. The more you love someone, the more it hurts to lose them, even if you know that loss is temporary.

 

Moving on from all of that, we have decided to post about this sensitive time for several reasons. This blog exists to bring glory to God, and we believe that He uses all things—good and bad—to bring more glory to Himself. This blog shares the daily life of our family, and this loss has been a big part of our daily lives as of late. We hope that He will use this blog about our daily lives as a Christian family to show others the hope we have found in Him. Although death is a difficult and sad topic, we grieve with hope unlike so much of the world—and we praise God for that!

 

So now to catch you up on what’s been going on in our family for the past few weeks . .

 

 

Those of you who have been reading our blog for awhile know how much time we spend visiting our Grandparents in Pennsylvania (my Dad’s parents.) As they have aged, they were unable to do many things. Over time we slowly did more and more for them when we visited. Back in April of 2012, my Grandma went into a nursing home due to complications from her emphysema and Parkinson’s. Her health has been on a bit of a rollercoaster. She has her good spells and bad spells. But after battling with emphysema for 16 years, Parkinson’s for 6 or 7, and living in the skilled nursing section of a nursing home for 8 months, we were preparing ourselves to lose her in the foreseeable future.

 

What we never expected was losing my Grandfather first, who has been relatively healthy up until the past few years. After visiting LOTS of doctors and ending up in the hospital, he was diagnosed with a rare neuromuscular disease/autoimmune disorder called myasthenia gravis. Over time, MG destroys the muscles in the body. In my Grandpa, his breathing continued to deteriorate as the MG weakened his lungs. He had been on oxygen for a little over a year. (Ultimately we believe his cause of death would fall under the myasthenic crisis umbrella.)

 

At Christmas we began to notice that he had really deteriorated and we began to discuss his need for nursing care. His breathing had deteriorated so much that he was having difficulty eating. My 6’2” Grandpa only weighed about 130 pounds at the time of his death. He could barely walk across a small room without becoming winded and needing 3 to 5 minutes to regain his breath enough to talk.

 

My Grandma had a breathing “episode” the week prior to his death and spent 3 days in ICU at the hospital. Due to the bad weather, a friend from church drove my Grandpa to the hospital to visit her one day. That was when the phone calls started. . .

 

This friend, as well as the Care Pastor from their church, felt that Grandpa needed a lot more help. Dad and his sister from Florida hired a Christian lady and her daughter to come out to his house to do laundry, cook for him, do grocery shopping, take him to Doctor’s appointments, etc. They were supposed to start on Tuesday the 15^th.

 

~Monday, January 14~

 

Today a neighbor and church friend came over to check on Grandpa and bring him dinner. She found him unable to talk, and having extreme difficulty breathing. She called Aunt Debbie and asked if it was ok to call an ambulance. She then put my Grandpa on the phone to talk with Aunt Debbie. When she asked if he wanted to go to the hospital, he cried out as loud as he could “YES!”

 

He was immediately rushed to the hospital where he was diagnosed with a collapsed lung. Later that evening as we drove home from Life Group, Dad talked with Aunt Debbie over the phone. She had decided to fly up the next day to be with Grandpa and assess the situation more.

 

~Tuesday, January 15~

 

We receive updates from Aunt Debbie throughout the day, but the really big update comes later that evening when Dad comes home from work. The nurse from the Critical Care wing had called him personally that afternoon. It was difficult for him to share with us what the nurse had said. They had been trying to re-inflate Grandpa’s lungs, but they weren’t staying inflated and he had asked in his will for no intubation nor iron lung. He had a small vacuum in his side that was keeping the air away from the lung so that he could breathe more comfortably. But whenever they tried to pull the vacuum away, the lung would start to collapse again.

 

There was a small chance that he would rebound from this, but we really didn’t know for sure. The nurse said it could be a few days before he passed, or a couple of weeks. He may not even make it through the night. Grandpa had asked for Dad several times, so Dad spent the rest of the evening booking a 5:30 a.m. flight out of Dallas. He didn’t get to bed that night until about 12:30 a.m., and then got up at 1:45 a.m. to start his trek to Dallas.

 

All of us went to bed troubled that night. I’m sure I wasn’t the only one crying and praying fervently that Dad would make it in time to say goodbye.

 

~Wednesday, January 16~

 

Dad arrived in Pennsylvania around 11:00 a.m. their time. He and Aunt Debbie spent the day with Grandpa and also went to visit Grandma in the nursing home. Once Dad saw Grandpa, he didn’t think he was going to make it through the weekend. They make arrangements for Grandma to come and visit him on Thursday morning. He tells us to buy plane tickets to Pennsylvania as soon as we can. I start working on a slideshow with pictures of Grandpa. I scour every photo file on our computer and pick out some music.

 

Mom and I stay up until midnight booking our flights and making a hotel reservation in Dallas for Thursday night. We also send out an emergency email to our Life Group at church, asking for someone who would be willing to drive us to Dallas the next night.

 

~Thursday, January 17^th~

 

Dad calls around 8:30 a.m. the next morning. They had just dropped off a coat over at the nursing home for Grandma for her visit to the hospital later that day. I talk with him for awhile, and then he abruptly says he has to go and hangs up.

 

At 9:00 a.m. he calls with the news we knew was coming but no one wanted to hear; Grandpa had passed away just 5 minutes before they had arrived at the hospital. The news didn’t shock us, yet it took awhile for it to begin to sink in. Our minds were spinning with so many details and trying to leave for Dallas on time.

 

My mind instantly filled with a flood of thoughts. Why hadn’t Grandma been able to say goodbye? Why couldn’t Dad and Aunt Debbie have been there when he passed? Although we think of those as regrets in human terms, I still have full confidence that God has known the day, hour, minute, and second Grandpa would die since the beginning of time. He knew what He was doing, and we have to trust that His timing was perfect.

 

That morning we make some frantic phone calls to find someone to take care of the pets, make arrangements to kennel the dog, and get a ride to Dallas. God is so good in His provision! A neighbor watched our cats, Mom took the dog out to the kennel and ran a few last minute errands, another neighbor agreed to drive us to Dallas, and the rest of us frantically packed.

 

Around 5:30 p.m. after lots of rushing around and dealing with defective suitcases, we make it out the door. Our neighbor packs up our things in her 15-passenger van, and we start driving.

 

On the way we stop at Arby’s for dinner. None of us really knows where the hotel is located, and after a few turn-arounds we make it to the hotel around 8:30 p.m. All 6 of us rotate through the single shower and crash in bed. I was the last one in the bathroom, and I didn’t make it to bed until 11:00 p.m. Between thinking about all that was happening and dealing with a protesting back, I think I got about 2 hours of sleep between 11:00 p.m. and 2:30 a.m. when the alarm went off.

 

To be continued . . .