Grandpa: Part 4

~Monday, January 21~

 

This day is very difficult to blog about. Writing it required me to relive a lot of the emotions and the pain we felt. But I choose to write about it because I want to remember. I never want to forget my Grandpa and the impact he had on so many people.

 

Today was a day filled with moments that will forever be burned in my memory. There were times throughout the day when I wept so hard, it left me shaking. There were times when we laughed and smiled over the memories of Grandpa. Joy and pain were mixed together. It was a day that I never wanted to live through, but I know that I serve a God who is in control and has a reason for every heartache, every loss, and every tear.

 

Mom woke us girls up at 4:45 a.m. to start getting ready. We cycled in and out of the bathroom as quickly as we could since 12 people were sharing 1 shower. Our family finished by 6:00 a.m. and ate breakfast, although none of us were really hungry.

 

Another reason why we allowed so much time in the morning is because of the 3-day blizzard that began the night before. Total, we received 20 inches of snow. The cars needed to be cleaned off and it took us a lot longer to make the drive to the church.

We made it to the church just before 9:00 a.m. when the viewing started. We really had no idea how many people would come. Since my Grandpa was 85, a lot of his friends had already passed away. Add the bad weather on top of that, and we were expecting a pretty small group.

 

 

The funeral home did a nice job on Grandpa’s body, especially considering all the physical changes that had occurred the week before his death. It’s amazing to me how different a person looks when their soul is separated from their body. Our bodies truly are shells of the real person.

It was just our family at the viewing for the first half hour. There were many tears and hugs during that time.

Although we had requested donations to the church in lieu of flowers, we were very grateful for the families that sent flowers for the funeral. The funeral home was going to provide some flower baskets, but there had been a miscommunication and they didn’t arrive. So it worked out very well.

Quite a few people came to the viewing later on in the morning. Most folks had been very shocked by the news of his passing. A lot of very nice things were said about Grandpa as well. He touched so many people’s lives.

The twins and I actually missed the height of the viewing crowd because we were rehearsing and arranging things for the actual service. The Worship Pastor started playing the prelude around 10:45 a.m. and people began filing into the sanctuary. Grandma was due to arrive from the nursing home by medical transport at that time, but they ran a bit late due to the bad weather. We really appreciated Pastor H because he just kept on playing and playing while we waited.



Around 11:10 a.m., Grandma arrived. She was greeted by a mob of family and showered with lots of hugs and kisses.

This picture simultaneously makes me very happy and very sad. I love seeing our whole family together, supporting and loving on each other. But when I look at the picture I see that someone’s missing: Grandpa. He’ll never get to join our family at church again.

Photo Credit: Roma.

We had a private family viewing with Grandma. The funeral director presented her with an American flag in thankfulness for Grandpa’s service in the armed forces (he served in the Military Police during the Korean War.)

We all filed into the sanctuary to begin the service. The pallbearers brought the casket in and we began. They started off by showing the slideshow I had created with pictures from Grandpa’s life. I still get teary-eyed as the show comes to the last family picture taken at Christmas.

 

Following the slideshow, several scriptures were read by the Care Pastor who officiated the service. Pastor D has been a tremendous blessing to our family through all of this. Before this, I had really only known him as the Care Pastor of Grandma and Grandpa’s church. He usually gave announcements when we attended their church, and I remembered that he was a very good orator.

 

But Pastor D was also a friend to Grandma and Grandpa. When Grandpa was in the hospital, he came to visit every day. The scriptures he read at the funeral were the same ones he had read to Grandpa in the hospital. One of those scriptures was Psalm 23. When he read that to Grandpa in the hospital, despite the fact that he was fighting to breathe, he repeated it with Pastor D.

 

After the scripture readings, the family was invited to share memories of Grandpa. We had been asked to write out a tribute to Grandpa and share it at the funeral, if we wished. I think they were only expecting a few people to do it. Everyone in our family shared a testimony, along with one of my cousins.

 

I was especially proud of Josiah. He went first and read the words he had carefully written out. For a child who has never spoken in front of a crowd before, he did so well.

There were many tears shed as we shared our tributes to Grandpa. I don’t think there was a dry eye left in the sanctuary after everyone had finished.

 

They were originally going to open up the floor to anyone who wanted to share, but since so many family members spoke, they ran out of time. Pastor D shared some of the ways Grandpa blessed him personally as well as their church. I don’t think any of us really realized all that Grandpa did, all the ways that he served, and all the ways that he was a blessing to those he knew.

 

As a personal friend, Pastor D shared some about his relationship with Grandpa. There were several times when he choked up as he spoke. As someone who is so eloquent and poised, it was really touching to see how much he admired my Grandpa.

 

We moved on and sang 2 hymns that were found tucked in Grandpa’s Bible: “Blessed Assurance” and “When We All Get to Heaven.” I think a lot of us choked our way through “When We All Get to Heaven.” It’s a song that gives me an intense longing to be there.

 

To close the service, the twins and I sang “Come to Jesus.” I really wasn’t sure if we were going to make it through the song, but God gave us grace and steadiness to sing it all the way through.

Photo Credit: Josiah

After that, Pastor D closed the service in prayer. We exited the sanctuary into the fellowship hall where a luncheon had been prepared by some of the people from church.

 

Walking into the hall was when it hit me really hard. I turned and saw Josiah blinking back the tears and I lost it. Several other kids lost it as well and we all spent several minutes crying hard. Grandpa meant so much to us!

 

We dried our tears as the guests began streaming in for the luncheon. It was an amazing spread. We had somewhat been expecting a typical church potluck lunch, but we were shocked to find a feast fit for a wedding. The tables were decorated beautifully and the food was elegantly presented and so delicious. It was hard to believe that it had not been professionally catered! They truly did an excellent job.

 

The family going through the food line.

I talked for awhile with the Worship Pastor who is new at the church. After awhile I was pushed into the food line because all the family was already eating and guests were starting to go through the line. I really wasn’t all that hungry, but I knew I should try to eat something.



The spread included ham, rolls, potatoes, a green bean medley, a salad bar, applesauce, beets, pickled mushrooms, and different types of cakes and ice cream for dessert.

Grandma was supposed to return to the nursing home immediately following the service, but she was doing so well that we decided to have her join us for lunch. She did great all through lunch and I think seeing friends and family really lifted her spirits and boosted her memory.

 

We were amazed at how many people ended up coming to the service despite the bad weather. I would say there were at least 50 people there, plus the all the church friends who were working back in the kitchen. According to Pastor D, a lot more of the elderly church members would have come if not for the bad weather, which I understand completely.

 

I sat with Grandpa’s next-door neighbor during lunch. She has lived in the neighborhood about as long as my Grandparents have, and we have gotten to know her children and grandchildren very well over the years. She has watched us kids grow up, and often checked in on Grandma and Grandpa.

 

A couple sat down next to me, and I heard someone call the wife by her first name and it finally clicked who she was. She was the neighbor and church friend who had been checking in on Grandpa and called the ambulance for him. I enjoyed getting to talk with her and her husband. We are so incredibly grateful for them and all they did for Grandpa over the past several weeks! They brought him dinner, did laundry for him, and went grocery shopping for him. If she had not stopped in on Grandpa that day, his death might have been far more tragic. God really blessed us through them!

 

I spent so much time talking over lunch, that someone came up to me and told me that we were going to leave for the cemetery in about 10 minutes. The neighbors had left, so I quickly got some dessert and went to sit down next to Cousin E. He looked at me in mock shock and said, “You’ve been eating for the past two hours!” J I was quick to explain that my mouth had been moving for the past two hours, but that doesn’t mean I was eating that whole time. J I was thankful for those little moments of comic relief sprinkled throughout our very difficult day.

 

Leaving in 10 minutes turned to 20 minutes, which turned to 30 minutes, etc. The more people you have, the longer it takes to get them out the door. Grandpa had requested that there be no processional and that only family be present at the graveside. After changing into pants and snow boots (since it was less than 20 degrees out and there were about 8 inches of snow on the ground already) we all piled into our cars and headed for the cemetery.

 

When we arrived at the gravesite, the pallbearers took the casket out of the hearse and into the little tent that was set up.

It was bitterly cold out, so Pastor D said a few words and prayed.

Then it was time for the final goodbyes. I don’t think you can truly understand what it means to say your final goodbyes to a loved one until you actually go through it. While there is relief at the closure and knowing that Grandpa is finally Home forever, it is still one of the hardest things in life to do.

There had been a brief break in the snow and a tiny peek of sunshine while we were at the graveside, but it started up again as soon as we finished. We all took a look at the lid for the grave before getting back in the cars.

A few of us hiked through the snow to go see the actual burial site.

Looking at a gaping hole like that can bring great despair. The thought of my Grandpa lying in a hole in the ground is appalling. But my Grandpa isn’t really in the ground. The real Grandpa is with his Savior. The empty hole pictured above is going to be filled with a casket. But because of another empty tomb, I can have hope. Because Jesus Christ paid the price for our sins and left His grave empty on the third day, I can have hope that I will see my Grandpa one day and we will worship the Lamb together.

 

We returned home for the afternoon where we unwound after such a difficult day. Late afternoon we left to go visit Grandma. If we had not promised that we would come and see her, we would definitely not have gone. Even though the nursing home is only a couple miles down the road, the conditions were horrible. Dark was falling and we could barely see the car in front of us due to the rapidly-falling snow.

 

When we reached the nursing home we received a call from my other Grandparents. They were going to come over for dinner again, but they had started to drive and turned around. The roads were just too bad. We called Cousin E and recommended that he stay at his hotel. It was just too dangerous. After we visited with Grandma for awhile, we prayed our way back home. We really couldn’t even see the road.

 

Once we arrived home, we were welcomed by the dinner that the neighbor across the street had fixed for us. Miss N has brought over some form of food every time we have visited for the past several years. She has been a tremendous blessing to us by bringing Grandpa food and checking on him from time to time. The dinner she brought was huge, delicious, and comforting.

 

Going to bed that night felt good. I think it was the first time in the whole week that I slept well through the whole night. Thank God for His peace that surpasses all our understanding!

 

 

To be continued. . .