My "Mother-in-Love"

~Posted by Betsy (Tribute written to share at the funeral)

Dearest R and A:

Happy Valentine's Day! R, you were determined to spend this day with the love of your life, one way or another. It doesn't surprise me...you and A have been joined together for 57 years, and were seldom if ever apart. Now, you will never be apart again, praise be to God, and to the Lamb!

This letter was one that I wanted to write to you a long time ago. Not as a goodbye, but as a thank you. A thank you for allowing me the privilege of marrying your wonderful son, and welcoming me into a most precious family. A thank you for the innumerable ways that you impacted me, and inspired me to be a better person.

This letter might have been a surprise to you, early in our relationship. Decades ago, in my 20's, I was wise in my own eyes and not shy about teaching my elders a thing or two. I was ignorant of how ignorant I really was. Any other mother-in-law might have distanced herself, but you had extraordinary patience, and unconditional love, not to mention a good sense of humor. You bided your time, endured my immaturity, and never said an unkind nor impatient word to me.

You and A both shared this elusive fruit of the Spirit--the fruit of Patience. You were so well matched in that regard. It's not often that one can count on someone always being self-controlled and even-keeled. But we could all count on you both. You understood the value of measuring your words, and controlling your tongue. Because of that, I felt secure in your love, and even felt free to disagree with you from time to time.

One thing I always admired about you was your ability to disagree without being disagreeable. You enjoyed a rousing debate, and never took offense at the opposition, nor expected them to take offense. You truly respected people and their rights to their own opinions. And you counted on them to respect your opinions as well.

Yet you used to chide yourself at times, saying that you were too blunt and always spoke your mind. Funny how we don't see ourselves the way others see us. To me, you had the gift of being honest and yet not offensive nor disrespectful. I so admired that about you.

Another thing I've always admired is how you never rushed through life. You were completely in the moment, whatever that moment was. To you, there was nothing unusual about sitting for long stretches of time on your enclosed porch, watching birds at the feeder. If they were flitting about, showing their colors, eating the food you put out, and providing such joy, our supper or chores could wait awhile. Or if you were out working in the yard, and a neighbor passed by, you welcomed the opportunity to stop your work and chat for a long time. Multi-tasking was not in your vocabulary. You understood that hurrying always empties a soul...that it doesn't make up time, but rather throws it away. Psalm 39:6 says, "We are merely moving shadows, and all our busy rushing ends in nothing."

In your last days in the nursing home, you continued exhibiting patience and forbearance with others, 'though not always with yourself. We will never forget how often you tried to sneak out of bed by yourself--and the bed alarm always ratted you out. You were determined to get up alone, move alone, walk alone--all the things you were forbidden to do, and really couldn't do. Our favorite story was the time Grandpa finally had enough and warned you that if you moved one more inch, he was going to sit on you. You quickly scooted back up on the bed!

I have stored up decades of rich memories with you, and such a great love for you has grown in my heart, that I can hardly express it. Who will sit for hours and listen to my children talk on and on? Who will make me vanilla milk as a practical joke, when I meant "white" milk? Who will teach me things I never knew--about birds, about fine-quality clothing, about politics, about the Civil War from a southerner's perspective? When will I ever again enjoy a homemade potato salad with every piece of potato the exact same size? Or a rich peach cobbler unsurpassed by any?

As precious as these memories are, nothing can compare with the scene in heaven on Friday night. Grandpa was there to greet you, laughing joyously at the amazed sparkle in your vivid blue eyes as you beheld for the first time the splendor of what Christ prepared for you. One look was all you needed to know that all the pain was worth it. And to think that you have the rest of eternity to express your thanks to Jesus, for paying it all!

So thank you, R, for running the race, and finishing well. Your example inspires me to be a godly mother, and grandmother someday.

Goodnight, sweet mother-in-love. See you again soon.