Some Exciting News . . .

Hello everyone! The blog has been quiet lately, but our family has been busy as ever! Pop on over to Bianca's blog for some exciting news! 

2016: A Year in Review

(A note from Roma: for many years, my sister Bianca was the one who ran our family blog. But she has moved on to the college and adult stage of life. So I have been asked to take over. Let’s see if I remember everything she taught me about how to launch a post! J)

2016 really was a great year. There were unplanned adventures for some of us, uneventful days for others, and plenty of going about the usual mundane routine around the house. Which is not a bad thing. Sometimes the day-to-day things seem small and insignificant, but God can use those times to teach you lessons, give you peace and rest, or whatever you need. The days are long but the years are so short! Which is why I hope and pray that we all “fix our eyes on the things that are unseen, because what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (2 Corinthians 4:18.)

We siblings kicked off 2016 by ice skating with Bianca’s special man, Jessie. What a fun way to start off year! Winter was spent driving around doing photo shoots (our favorite thing to do around here); a surprise trip to Texas for us girls; hanging out with friends; hosting a really sweet missionary family from Ethiopia (another thing our family likes to do as often as possible—we love missionaries!) and celebrating our Mom’s birthday. And Josiah was playing a lot of basketball as well. (And still enjoys it today! A post about that will be coming up soon!)

Bianca and Jessie on a cold photo shoot I took them on. But worth it!

Going to Texas to reunite with friends was the best Christmas present from sissy ever. Thank you Bianca!

SPRING TIME came, which meant joining a large homeschool coop for the first time in a long time. This coop has come in handy for doing fun classes and educational classes (so that if we cover those subjects there, we don’t have to cover them at home!) We’ve made new friends, gone on fun field trips, and have done other fun activities such as bonfires and barn dances. It’s a very neat group with lots of God-fearing home school families. We celebrated Easter and Josiah’s birthday, and for spring break, my Mom’s parents came for a nice long visit. We watched the amazing film: RISEN. (Joseph Fiennes.) If you haven’t seen this film, it’s a must. Then came Ruby and my birthday, and what our recent blog post was about—the awesome road trip U.S.A to Missouri, Virginia, Tennessee, and…I’m pretty sure we hit other states too. That was a highlight this past year, seeing and meeting relatives and friends. Read about that here.

Barn dancing with homeschool kids and parents. We got lots more people to come out on the floor later—don’t let the picture fool you! J

This was Easter Sunday. What you don’t know is that I had to walk across the street, climb a big ladder, (first carry the big ladder up and down our super long curvy driveway) and cut this branch from a high tree to capture this photo. The things I go through to get the perfect picture that says SPRING. J

SUMMER TIME! Sports camp at our church; Bianca going to Colorado with her man and his entire family on vacation; and Ben doing ministry in Guatemala for a whole month! Life changing for him. Halfway through his internship, I Face-Timed him and showed him my passport. I was going to join him for one week! It was unexpected—I went with our old church in TX, replacing someone who couldn’t go, so I went for free. I was thrilled! Other summer activities included more photo shoots just for fun, and splashing in the sun at a water park. We experienced crazy weather and having to take shelter in a public building as soon as we had finished swimming; a 4-day power outage in the heat of July; and car problems multiple times, including when we were all dressed up for a photo shoot. But it was still a fun summer. We even got to visit the people who now live in our old house in TX and saw the house again!

Ben and I at the top of Cerro de la Cruz in Antigua, Guatemala, Sacatepequez. My most favorite part of 2016!

Josiah, Mom, and Rubia cooling off one warm July day. Perfect weather. Right before the weather drastically changed and we took shelter at the drug company Bianca works at because of tornado warnings, some serious strong wind and rain. J

FALL TIME brought us enough left-over vacation days to head to Ohio in September to spend time with the Puerto-Rican relatives. It included a day in Amish Country, a wonderful stage production, good food, a cute market and hiking. Still very hot weather at this point, and not very many fall colors yet, but that’s okay. In October, we had our Third Annual Cobbler party at our house and it was delightful! Perfect. Our favorite outreach that we do every year. It included over 80 guests, a tree swing, two piñatas, cobbler and ice cream and fellowship. I pray that the Lord uses these events for His glory! For Thanksgiving, we had all the relatives come and see us again just like last Thanksgiving! So fun to have all these people in the house, reflecting on the goodness of God and Jesus Christ.

Cobbler party fun—breaking into the piñatas!

“Bio” (Abuelo) and Rubia enjoying guitar together over Thanksgiving break when all the relatives flew down. Mikey is enjoying a snooze.

And now I will just skip over to Christmas vacation in Ohio with the relatives, amazing Puerto Rican food, (are you starting to see a pattern here?) chocolate, lights, music, laughter, my teenage cousin doing that weird dance he used to do as a toddler, and singing and candlelight service and telling the story of the birth of Christ…I didn’t want it to end, but it did and we just got back recently and have unpacked and are doing a lot of laundry!

Everyone in Abuelo and Abuela’s living room after presents had been opened.

So, that was 2016! I realize most of our blog readers have probably read a lot of these things in the beautiful Christmas letter my Mom composed and mailed to all y’all, so this post is mainly for people who don’t get our letter, and also to just sum up this past year.

To close, I will share with y’all my personal goal for 2017. I want to write down on blank sheet calendars for 365 days, 12 months, 52 weeks—what I am thankful for. I am learning how thankfulness can fight so many sins—anxiety, worry, jealousy, covetousness, selfishness, etc. It can also humble me, as I realize how much God provides, protects, and blesses in one single day. It helps me to not focus on what I don’t have, but on what I do have: this peaceful, 10-acre lot with cats and a dog, chickens and roosters, lots of wooded areas, gorgeous sunsets, my parents, four best friends, and friends coming to visit soon.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, and I hope 2017 is filled with blessings, life changing moments, adventures, hope, peace, love, and joy, and a deeper relationship with God.

~Roma (and the rest of the clan)

Birthdays and Spring Break

~Posted by: Roma

I hope everyone reading this finds themselves well! Life has been very busy, exciting, and full, and our calendar is filling up fast. Here is some of what we’ve been up to…

Last time we posted was around the New Year. Later at the end of January, we celebrated our wonderful Mother’s birthday! (And I’m sure she would rather I not mention how old she is now—I mean [clearing throat]—how young she is now.) J We kids did the very special thing we’ve been doing for 9 years now—got up while it was still dark, decorated the whole house with strings and balloons, and made Mom breakfast in bed! She loved it, as she does every year. We went through the whole day playing her favorite jazz CD’s, and later that evening she opened her gifts. She wanted orange marmalade cake so we enjoyed that as well. (Delicious!)

Relaxing in the living room, digging into the orange marmalade cake.

Early in March, another special person needed to be celebrated: Josiah! He brings joy and life and energy to this family—being the youngest—and was definitely a happy gift to my parents from God! He asked for a day off of school just to relax, play basketball and watch movies or play games, and he wanted Hot Fudge Sundae cake this year! (Yummy choice.) For his birthday dinner, he requested grilled garlic-lime chicken, our Mom’s wonderful garlic mashed potatoes, salad, and rolls.

Later that week, all seven of us got into the car and went on a surprise birthday trip! We ended up at the Tulsa Air and Space Museum and Planetarium! It was really fun and educational. Afterward, we all enjoyed great food and service at Carrabbas Italian Grill. When we lived in Texas, we usually ended up in the Dallas/Fort Worth area on surprise birthday trips. Now that we live in a new state, there are so many new places to explore and look at for future birthday trips!

Hot Fudge Sundae cake for Josiah’s birthday.

Opening gifts. He loves his Star Wars glow-in-the-dark T-shirt!

All of us kids pose in front of the MD-80 donated by American Airlines, at the Tulsa Air and Space Museum.

The celebrating continued…a few days later, we went to the airport to pick up my Mom’s parents—“Bio” and “Bia”—who flew in from Ohio to spend a week with us!!! I put together a big ‘Welcome!’ banner to hold up at the airport, and after they arrived, off to Panera bread we went, in the pouring rain. (We had a lot of rain during their visit, but nice warm temperatures and a couple of sunny days mixed in.) What a blessing to have them with us! They are amazing. When Abuelo and Abuela were here, everyone enjoyed a spring break from school, sleeping in, drinking Puerto Rican coffee, and spending time together as familia. Later that week, Bianca’s man, Jessie J came for a couple of days too.

Josiah with Bio and Bia. They brought gifts for him to open the first night. Then everyone wanted to exchange spring break gifts to each other. Bia gave all of us clothes, and we gave both Bio and Bia T-shirts with quotes on them: Bio’s T-shirt said something he always says: “The best is yet to come!” and Bia’s something she always says: “You make my heart sing.” They were tickled to get T-shirts with their famous quotes on them.” J

Spring break was a time for rest and relaxation, family time, and reflection.

Mom made so many healthy nutritious meals for us that week, since everyone has been trying to eat healthier. Some of us enjoyed lots of evening walks too.

Then one day, after church, we went unhealthy. J Jimmy’s Egg is good.

Most of the time we just stayed at home chilling. But one day we decided to go out to the movies and watch “Risen.” What a powerful movie. A must see! From left to right: Jessie, Bianca, Josiah, Bia (Abuela), Mom, Rubia, and Bio (Abuelo.) Ben and Dad both had to work that day, and I’m taking the picture.

Bio and Josiah play basketball.

Jessie and Bianca walking, while I’m on chaperone duty taking pictures. J)

Saying goodbye to all our guests we host in our home never gets easier. We are already looking forward to the day they can come back. We thank the Lord for the blessing of getting to be a blessing to others by opening our new Oklahoma home to them! We had a wonderful spring break!

The Past 10 Weeks of Being Okies

~posted by Roma

We have lived in northeast Oklahoma for almost 10 weeks now. I don’t know about the rest of my family, but I know I have days when I still miss Texas so badly. I’m having a lot of fun here in OK, making friends and making great memories already. But sometimes I have days where it would be amazing to wake up in my old bedroom, and look out the window to see an incredible Texas sunrise peeking up from behind the pecan trees. To go to our old church on Sunday, and hug people because you know them. To see familiar faces and sights. But we serve a great God who has provided for all our needs. Our Dad, Bianca, and Ben all have jobs now and all three of them work for Christians. Ruby and I are learning really well how to drive cars. Josiah has a basketball game coming up soon. And on and on.

This is a blog post that will go over all the fun highlights we’ve had here the past 10 weeks and what we’ve done. Enjoy!

So, I should start with some pictures of the moving process…

This van looked really familiar to us. It may look familiar to you too. The van that had just moved us 32 months prior (from MI to TX) was now moving us again! The funny part is they could never bring it up our narrow driveway so they always needed a shuttle. These guys worked hard! 

Great place to play hide and go seek!

Lots of neighbors and people from church came over to say goodbye, bring us Starbucks, give us gift baskets, or take away our basketball hoop. J (We didn’t need it.) I took some last TX sunset pictures that were gorgeous, and wrote about this whole journey in my journal.

The next morning we had cereal but no milk, so I ate cereal with vanilla ice cream. J The boys took one car full of stuff, Ruby and Bianca took one car full of stuff and the two dogs in the back, and Mom and I took one car full of stuff and the tranquilized, terrified cats. I took a video with my camera of us driving away. Ben was in New Mexico hiking 100+ miles with the Boy Scouts at Philmont, so he missed the whole moving process!

And then in just 3.5 or so hours, we were there!

The house is beautiful. It has a lodge/cabin/dark lodge-y kind of feel, with 10 acres, a pond, and woods with a small trail going through them. (The dogs were--and still are-- having the time of their lives!) The front porch is really wide and has been a great place for morning devotions. The driveway is super steep and crazy to bike or roller race down. We live on a big hill, so going down the hill is amazing and going up is a physical challenge.

One thing we’ve had to adjust to is all of us kids having our bedrooms on the first floor. (Except Bianca, who is on the loft on the second floor.) But now the boys and Ruby and I share a Jack & Jill bath attached to our rooms which has been nice! There are pros and cons about every house, but overall, we really like it here! We have pretty much unpacked every box now and cleaned up, so come visit us! J

Alright, some fun things we’ve done here the past 10 weeks…

…Found a Christian soda fountain and a job for Bianca on the same day….

…Visited with missionary friends that we’ve known for a whole decade now…

Bianca got a visit from her man J and we celebrated his birthday. We went tubing down the Illinois River one day, had a picnic by the river, went out to dinner, and explored the town. I’m thinking it’s about time to go on another photo shoot in this cute town soon!

Josiah’s got this. He doesn’t need help. J

We’ve been trying different restaurants, going for evening walks, visiting coffee shops, and more. There are a lot of festivals that go on here, with lots of activities. So after we ate we enjoyed the different tents set up outside—one tent had knives, so the boys were drawn to that tent right away. J

Just beyond the tents, two guys were playing  with fire—literally!

We look forward to the other festivals that our different towns here in Okie will have in the future!

Lots of families from our new church have so graciously invited us to their homes, or to different restaurants with them to eat lunch together after church! That has really helped us get to know the families better and we’ve enjoyed the fellowship so much! This home above is the R family’s home. Mr. R is a deacon at our church and while Mom and Dad were enjoying talking to them, Ruby and I talked with their grown-up son S and his wife M for probably an hour, about different hobbies, Lord of the Rings, and more!

Then there was that one time we went with our youth group to watch the movie “War Room.” If you have not seen this film yet, it is a MUST SEE.

Ruby and I went camping in our front yard one night; then a couple days later we started school, which hasn’t been bad so far. I enjoy doing and learning new things and so far it’s not crazy or hectic--it’s pretty relaxing. We also went back to the Illinois River a few weeks ago for a church picnic! We used our Youth Pastor’s canoes and kayaks, went swimming, and had hot dogs, homemade chips, and oatmeal cream pies. Bianca and Ben were at a college conference in TX, but the rest of us enjoyed that picnic! Recently, Ruby and I went to a girl’s pajama party with our youth group girls and we had fun doing that too!

So hopefully that kind of sums up EVERYTHING. Any questions? Just kidding. J

Long Overdue Update

Yes, we are still alive! I can’t believe it has been so many months since we updated. That definitely falls on me as the main moderator of this blog. So I owe all of you an apology! Rather than make excuses about why I haven’t updated, I will give you an update on each of us. Then perhaps you’ll understand why we haven’t had many opportunities to post these days.;-) (I’ll give you a hint: we’re living a day-to-day adventure basically, and we never quite know what the next day will bring.)

Mark—Back in November, Dad started working his new job in Oklahoma. We have had a lot of drama involved with attempting to sell our house here in Texas. That drama has involved switching agencies, the District Attorney’s office, and other legal wrangles. Dad has been enjoying his new job, but wishes we could all live together. He had a surgery done on his torn meniscus in February, and unfortunately looks like he will need to have it done again. He is working on cleaning up our new home in the central/eastern part of Oklahoma so that we can hopefully all move in at the end of July.

Betsy—Mom has been a trooper the past seven months! She has continued to work to homeschool the four younger kids. It has taken a lot of patience on her part to deal with the frequent interruptions to show our home and still maintain a sense of order around here. It also takes a lot to keep up with 5 kids single-handedly!

Bianca—I have had a very challenging school year. I struggled to keep up with my classes last fall while I battled a 6-week illness (sinusitis followed by the flu and lots of misdiagnosis and issues with medicines along the way.) I worked as the assistant to our new student/college pastor from November until May. That was a stretching but very beneficial working experience. I was able to catch up on school, and now am only 3 credits away from being a junior. I spent 10 days in Ecuador in May, and 8 days in Guatemala with my family in June, doing missions work. In July, I will start working part-time at a local soda fountain. My dog Tex—a blue mountain cur that I acquired back in December--has kept me very busy with the various scrapes he gets into. Generally, he finds a skunk once a month.

I’ve had another big event this past year. ;-D You can read all about my courtship over here!

Ben—Ben worked very hard this fall and spring to wrap up his Eagle Scout project (landscaping several areas at our church.) Thankfully he completed the project before Texas turned into a swamp! Many people came to celebrate his Eagle Scout Court of Honor with us despite the monsoon-type rains we had that day. He is still finishing up his high school math and chemistry, and should graduate at the end of this year. He has been very busy keeping up house maintenance.

Rubia—Ruby has continued to be diligent with her school work this year! She has been a great help with taking care of our growing menagerie of pets (plus a few neighbor dogs that need a little TLC.) She is faithful to run with Roma and work out three times a week. She also keeps our refrigerator free of spoiled food so that those of us with poorer senses of smell don’t accidentally eat something bad. ;-P Rubia was ecstatic to go on a mission trip to Guatemala for the first time this year.

Roma—Roma continues to keep us all focused on the bright side of life. She has been very helpful and positive over the past several months. Like Ruby, she has been diligent in her school work, but also finds time to make treats in the kitchen for the rest of us to enjoy. She has been the most interested in continuing to blog, and you may see her start to take over some things here in the future as my life continues to get busier. ;-) Roma loved going back to Guatemala this year! She also went on a missions road trip through several large cities in Texas over Spring Break, along with Rubia, Ben, and me.

Josiah—Josiah has been busy this school year! He gets the majority of Mom’s homeschooling time since the older kids are mostly independent. He has also been hard at work in Tae Kwon Do. He may be able to test for his first brown belt before the summer is over! He has absolutely flown through the belt levels and receives lots of praise from his instructor. He had a blast on his first missions trip (our trip to Guatemala in June.) This week, he is enjoying sports camp at our church!

So there’s a small update on the family! Hopefully we’ll be able to post a bit more frequently here over the summer. Thank y’all for sticking with us during this busy season of our lives!

Blogger Challenge Day 3: Your First Love

A few months ago, I started a blogger challenge. Instead of doing 30 consecutive days, I’ve been doing the topics as I’ve had time. There’s just been so much other interesting stuff to blog about!

 

I debated for awhile about how to blog on this topic, my first love. My first love in life is my Savior, Jesus Christ. When I was younger, I used to have crushes on a lot of boys. I tended to be infatuated with boys a lot of the time. As I grew older, I was convicted that I should be more in love with my Savior than anyone else. Instead of obsessing over others, I needed to be obsessed with serving Him!

 

Over time, God truly answered my prayer: that I would focus on Him more than on young men. Looking at young men as someone else’s future husband really helped. I know many godly young men who would make excellent husbands, but God is helping me to see that more likely than not, they will not be MY godly husband.

 

Earlier this year I read a book called “It’s (Not That) Complicated” by Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin. It is a book on guy-girl relationships that’s not full of fluff, but rather a true Biblical look at the way our relationships are supposed to be. It really helped solidify in my mind a proper perspective on my relationships with young men.

 

One day, more likely than not, I will be married. I want to be able to say that aside from Christ, my husband will be the only man I’ve ever loved in that way. As much as I look forward to that day, Christ will forever be my first and greatest love!

 

"It's (Not That) Complicated" Book Review

When I taught at Bright Lights last month, my lesson was inspired by the book “It’s (Not That) Complicated” by Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin. I had the opportunity to meet Anna Sofia and Elizabeth last year, and was very excited when their new book came out last fall. I received the book for Christmas, and started reading it earlier this year.

The book is geared towards young, unmarried ladies and deals with how to relate to young men in a healthy, sane, and Biblical way. Many Christian young ladies are confused about their friendships with unmarried boys. Boy-Girl relationships have become very complicated over the past several decades, and there are lots of questions that girls have about what scripture says about these relationships. How close is too close in a relationship? How do we handle crushes? What does it mean to treat “younger men as brothers, in all purity?”

The book discusses these problems and the solutions from all angles. It talks about what makes guy-girl relationships complicated, about learning to see men as God sees them, having proper relationships with our brothers, getting our hearts in the right place, practical tips on interaction and conversation, and lots more!

This book really caused me to evaluate my relationships with men, including my father, brothers, and young men outside my family. It inspired me to think about the following questions:

*What is my attitude towards other young men? Do I desire to flirt with and gain attention from them? Or do I have a desire to build them up, help them, and encourage them?*

*Is my relationship with my brothers what it should be? Am I demonstrating respect towards them? Am I helping prepare them for their future marriages? Or am I living selfishly and ignoring them?* (You can read a longer post on this topic here.)

*Am I allowing my emotions to drive my relationships, or am I leading my heart in the direction God wants me to?*

*Am I truly content being single? Do I view this as a (hopefully) short period of waiting before marriage someday? Or am I reclaiming the time to serve the Lord and others?*

*What do my actions, words, and conduct around young men say about me? Do they say that I’m fishing for compliments or attention, or striving to have edifying conversations and interactions with them?*

*Am I encouraging or meddling in other people’s romantic affairs?*

*Am I striving to become a girl that a godly young man would want to marry? Am I striving to grow in my character and relationship with God during my single years?*

This book really provoked a lot of thoughts, and convicted me in many areas that I need to work on. It is a book that I would definitely recommend for young ladies, especially those who are asking these same questions!

Teaching at Bright Lights

In our Bright Lights group, we have been studying Biblical Courtship. Many of you will remember when Mom taught a lesson on this subject a few months ago. Since this is something I am very passionate about, I offered to teach a lesson as well. I’ve been recently reading a book called “It’s (Not That) Complicated” by Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin. (Click here and here to read a few excerpts from the book.) Hopefully I will be able to post a book review once I finish reading it all the way through. What I read in that book inspired most of my lesson. I thought I would share the lesson I taught below:

How to Have Biblical Relationships with Boys

I was very excited when the time came for us to discuss courtship here in Bright Lights because it is a subject that I am very passionate about. After our first lesson on courtship several weeks ago, I went home with my wheels spinning about the issues of courtship and relationships. I took a look at my bookshelf and noticed a book I had received for Christmas called “It’s (Not That) Complicated” by Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin. I started reading it, and I am now about two-thirds of the way through. So far, it has been an excellent book and very encouraging!

Tonight I want to talk about how we can have Biblical, God-honoring relationships with young men. Relationships with boys have gotten very complicated for a number of reasons. Part of this is cultural. Dating has become a game for young people to play, and we have discussed the problems with dating in a previous lesson. As young ladies, we are pressured to conform to this relationship pattern. Another reason relationships have become complicated is because we as girls have a sin nature, as do young men. We also don’t have a proper understanding of what our relationships with boys should look like from a Biblical standpoint. We have an innate desire for relationships with males. That’s not a bad thing! That’s how God created us, and those feelings are very good, when allowed in the context of marriage someday.

To have our relationships with other boys in a correct perspective, we have to start from the top. Our relationship order should be this: Christ, our Fathers, our Brothers, and other young men. In order to find JOY in our lives, our priorities should be Jesus, Others, and You. Let’s jump right in!

Our Relationship with Christ

As Christ-followers we are called to have a close, intimate relationship with Christ. Ephesians 5:25-27 says: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to Himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.” The ultimate wedding someday will be between Christ, and we His bride! In order for our relationships on earth to be right, our relationship with our heavenly Father must be strong.

Our purpose in life is to bring honor and glory to God. We are to serve Him all of our days including when we are single. 1 Corinthians 7:34 says: “An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband.” We also need to focus on serving others above ourselves, like the JOY acronym says (Jesus, Others, You.)

Our Relationship with Our Earthly Fathers

As we talk about relationships with fathers and brothers, I realize that this does not apply to everyone. Not all of you have fathers or brothers present in your immediate family. Or perhaps you do not come from a home with a Christian father. While these situations are important to discuss, I am going to speak on the assumption that most of us have Christian fathers and brothers. Even if we don’t have a father in our lives, hopefully we all have father-figures in our lives. Some of these may be grandfathers, uncles, pastors, as well as brothers in Christ.

Deuteronomy 5:16 says: “Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the LORD your God is giving you.” So many girls—including Christian girls—ignore one of the most helpful relationships in their lives: their relationship with their fathers! Until we are married, we are under the headship of our earthly fathers. Deuteronomy 22 is an important chapter to read on this topic. Deuteronomy 22:20-21 says: “If, however, the charge is true and no proof of the girl’s virginity can be found, she shall be brought to the door of her father’s house and there the men of her town shall stone her to death. She has done a disgraceful thing in Israel by being promiscuous while still in her father’s house. You must purge the evil from among you.”

This chapter talks about the consequences upon a young woman who has committed sexual sin while living in her father’s home. You’ll notice in the verses we just read, that the daughter was stoned on her father’s doorstep. He was held responsible for her sins. If this young girl had a godly relationship with respect for her father and his authority in her life, this would not have happened. We have the responsibility to honor our fathers and accept their protection in our lives as from the Lord.

If we invest in a healthy relationship with our fathers, if we let him know the characteristics we are looking for in a future husband, and ask for his guidance in our lives, he can save us so much heartache down the road. Dads are very helpful in the screening process of young men in our future. But we can’t wake up one day and expect our fathers to just “know” what kind of man we desire to marry. We need to invest in proper relationships with our father right now.

Our Relationship with Our Brothers

First Timothy 5:1-2 says: “Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.” How can we treat young men as our brothers if we don’t treat our brothers in a godly way? So many young ladies I know—including myself at one time—think that their relationships with their brothers aren’t as important as the others we’ve mentioned (i.e. our relationship with Christ, our fathers, and other young men.) But the reality is the brother-sister relationship is one of the closest to the marriage relationship in many ways. Obviously, there are differences, but there are lots of similarities. We live with our brothers day-in and day-out. We see the good, the bad, and the ugly. If we cannot learn to get along with and have a fruitful relationship with our blood brothers (who are sinful, fallible human beings just like us), how can we expect to get along with and have a fruitful relationship with our husband someday (who will be a sinful, fallible human being just like we are?)

As sisters, we share in the responsibility of helping our brothers become the young men God has created them to be. So many young girls lament the fact that there aren’t godly young men in their lives that they would even consider marrying. But could it be that so many of us are neglecting our roles as sisters? Our attitudes towards our brothers and how we treat them will affect their views on other girls. This is a big responsibility, but we can either choose to help our brothers become godly young men who will raise godly families or we can choose to discourage them and not help them. I hope that you will all evaluate your relationship with your brothers and look at them through a Biblical lens. This is one of the most important training relationships in how we will treat other young men.

Some of you may think that your brothers are too young for this kind of relationship. You may be saying “I only have little brothers. They don’t understand the duties of manhood yet. How can I treat them as men and encourage them to be leaders?” I struggled with this question because I am the oldest; all of my siblings are younger than I am. But I have had to realize that one day my brothers will be leaders. Obviously I’m not going to let my 8 year old brother rule my life! J But as sisters, there are things that we can do right now to help our brothers no matter how old they are.

We can demonstrate respect. Our brothers are created in the image of God, and have been given gifts by Him. When our brothers do something honorable, or manly, we should praise them. It’s very easy to always be saying negative things to our brothers. We need to focus on encouraging them more than we discourage them. We can also let them assert themselves, lead, and teach us things. This can be painful if you are like me and have always had a more dominant spirit as the oldest child. There are things that my brothers can lead in, and things they can teach me that I don’t know. As the oldest, it’s easy to have an attitude of “I know more than them because I’m older.” But that’s not always true! Allow your brothers to teach you things!

We also need to talk with our brothers. It’s very easy to completely ignore our brothers or just treat each other civilly, but not have true friendship with them. It’s important to have conversations with our brothers not only to encourage them, but to also help us learn more about them. Talking with our brothers helps us understand their point of view on issues and how they view the world. They can give us a male perspective on things that we may not have thought of.

We can also become a part of their world. How many of you have brothers who have BIG ideas? My brothers often come to me and tell me about their latest and greatest idea. One day I desire to be a helpmeet to my husband as God created me to be. Genesis 2:18 says: “The LORD God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’” If we can learn how to encourage and help our brothers with their ideas, we will be farther ahead of most girls when they get married and have to figure out how to be a helpmeet.

And lastly, we may need to repent of past sins. This is VERY hard to do, but VERY necessary in having a good relationship with our brothers. Psalm 51:17 says: “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.” Our relationships with our brothers will never be truly helpful if there are bitter feelings between us. There have been many times when I personally have hurt my brothers very badly by things I have said or done. It was very hard to repent when I thought I was right, but the Lord has shown me that my relationship with my brothers is more important than being right all the time. Ask the Lord to convict you of areas of your life that you need to repent of, and ask your brothers to forgive you as well.

Our Relationship with Other Young Men

Now that we have laid a foundation of what our other male relationships should look like, we can discuss our relationships with other single young men. *Important Note: If what I say goes against the way your parents have asked you to act around young men, please honor and obey your parents, not me. God has made them your parents and you are to honor their decisions, not mine. I do hope that what I share will cause you to evaluate the way you treat young men and what your heart motives are.*

I could talk for hours about ways we girls treat young men, but I have to narrow it down a bit! J I have picked a few things to discuss that I know have been problems for me, and that I believe are the most common errors.

Looking at Young Men the Way God Sees Them

Many of us girls make the mistake of not looking at young men the way God looks at them. We either have super high standards (“One day my Prince will come” or “I can’t wait until my Knight in shining armor arrives.”) or we are disdainful of young men (“He’s such a jerk” or “The way he acts is creepy.”) We as young ladies have to remember that no man or woman on this earth is perfect, including us. Romans 3:10 says: “As it is written: ‘There is no one righteous, not even one.’”) God sees all men and women as one in Christ. We are to look at everyone the way Christ would.

Flirting or Shunning?

Many of us girls fail in our relationships with boys because we fall into one of these categories. Some of you may be thinking “I don’t flirt with boys! I don’t ignore them and hide from them!” But what if I were to define “flirting” as: teasing, bantering, acting giddy and giggly, and trying to attract attention? What if I defined “shunning” as: being shy and uncomfortable, avoiding conversations, pretending boys don’t exist, and speaking in a cold and rude manner when we are forced into conversations?

All of these attitudes come from not thinking of other young men as brothers in Christ. First Timothy 5:1-2 says: “Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.” One very good rule of thumb when it comes to our behavior around other young men is this: Ask yourself “would I treat my brother this way or act in this manner around him? If the answer is “no,” then you shouldn’t be acting that way.

Reading into Conversations

One of the many struggles we as young ladies have is controlling our thought life. It’s very easy when we are in a conversation with a young man to begin “reading in” things to what they say. I’m sure you all have a pretty good idea of what I’m talking about. We often dwell on something a young man said to us and think to ourselves, “What did he really mean by that? Does he like me? Does he think I’m a nice girl? COULD HE BE MY FUTURE HUSBAND???” etc. J Proverbs 4:23 says: “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” Philippians 4:8 says: “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” We need to be content during our single years. If we are constantly dwelling on and analyzing our conversations with boys, it shows that we really aren’t content in serving where God has us right now.

Being Intelligent, but Not a Smarty-Pants

In order to have productive and edifying conversations with young men, we need to have something to talk about! As girls we enjoy talking about hair, sewing, chick-flicks, and clothing. These are not the kinds of things that young men like to talk about as you can imagine! J We as young ladies should be well educated on many subjects including law, politics, economics, theology, science, education, and lots more. Our motive for learning shouldn’t be just to have something to talk about with young men, but rather from a genuine desire to learn important things.

An important note to all of this is not to come across as a “Smarty Pants.” Nobody likes talking to a “know-it-all.” Our heart motive shouldn’t be to make ourselves look better or smarter than the young man we are talking to. Our goal in our conversations with young men should be to encourage, sharpen, and edify each other, and most importantly, to honor God.

I would encourage you to look at some of the following conversations between men and women found in the Bible: Rebekah and Eleazar (Genesis 24), Ruth and Boaz (Ruth 2), and Abigail and David (1 Samuel 25). All of the women in these conversations displayed humility, honor, and respect towards the men they were conversing with. They are not shy, bashful, or stammering in their speech. They speak plainly and confidently. We can learn a lot from their examples.

I hope that you will consider the verses shared in this lesson and the things we’ve talked about tonight. I hope that you will go home and talk with your parents about your relationships with young men and how they could become more pleasing to the Lord. I’d also love to hear from you about things you have found helpful to keep in mind when talking with young men.

After completing the lesson, I handed out the cards pictured above. These were for the girls to give to their brothers or their fathers. The card said the following:

“I am very thankful for having you in my life. God has blessed me! Yet I realize that our relationship is often trivialized by our culture. The Lord has convicted me that I need to work towards having a better, more fruitful relationship with you.

I will strive to demonstrate respect towards you. I will allow you to teach me things. I will be more humble towards you, and more willing to listen to you. I will engage in meaningful conversations with you, and encourage you with my words.

I want to become a part of your world! I will look for ways that I can help you in your projects, support your vision, and encourage your dreams. With a repentant heart, I ask your forgiveness for times that I may have wronged you in the past.

I look forward to seeing how the Lord helps us grow in our relationship together!”

“By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

John 13:35