~Wednesday,
February 13~
This day is one that I wish I could forget. A
part of me is bruised from all the pain. I don’t want to feel it anymore. My
natural instinct is to shut down emotionally. But God is allowing me to go through all of this pain
for a reason. I cling to the promise found in James 1:2-3, “Consider it pure joy, my
brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know
that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.” It’s ok to hurt, to cry, and to grieve.
But in the end, I must CHOOSE hope and joy.
We
arrived at the church around 9:00 a.m. The viewing didn’t start until 10:00
a.m., but we needed to do a few things to prepare for the service.
Grandma’s
body hadn’t arrived from the funeral home yet, but as I stood in the corner
where she would be placed, I couldn’t keep the tears back. My mind played the phrase
“She was just here” over and over
again, like a broken record. How could she be here three weeks ago, alive, and
then be in the exact same place today in her casket?
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Folks
started arriving for the viewing around 10:00 a.m. They played the slideshow I
had made during the viewing. Here, Dad and his two cousins from VA watch the
video together.
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Part way through the viewing, my stomach
started to growl loudly. We had eaten a light breakfast really early
that morning, and I was unsure whether or not I was going to make it through
the service without my stomach growling the whole time. Some of the girls and I
decided to ask the kitchen committee—who were preparing things for the
luncheon—if they had any crackers or something we could nibble on. They were so
gracious and kind to us! They took us back in the kitchen where they had
muffins, cinnamon rolls, and orange juice. We were so grateful!
A lot of church friends, neighbors, and
out-of-town guests came out for the viewing and funeral service. While Pastor
N—the Worship Pastor—played “Marching to Zion” on the piano (one of Grandma’s
favorite songs), the family had a few private minutes before entering the
service. Pastor D prayed with us, and we proceeded into the sanctuary.
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Pastor
D started off the service by praying, sharing some scripture passages, and
leading us in singing “Shall We Gather at the River,” another favorite song of
Grandma’s.
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Following
that, we all shared the letters and tributes we had written for Grandma. It was
pretty hard at times because the last time we stood at that podium to speak,
Grandma was right there listening, sitting in her wheelchair by the second pew.
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Grandma
mentioned my piano-playing several times after she went to live at the nursing
home. I had planned to bring a few of my books the next time we visited so I
could play some songs for her. Instead, I played “Great is Thy Faithfulness” at
her funeral. It’s one of the few regrets I have: that I didn’t play for her
sooner.
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Pastor D shared a few words about Grandma
before concluding the service by leading us in singing “When We All Get to
Heaven.” How I am looking forward to that day!
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It
was very hard to watch them wheel Grandma out of the church. The last time she
crossed that hall, she was living. Yet in a sense, she is more alive now than
she has ever been before. How thankful I am for that hope.
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The
luncheon following the service was once again, beautifully done. They had the
same menu from Grandpa’s
funeral, but that didn’t bother us at all. We were
so filled with gratitude for all the congregation did to help our family.
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Despite the solemn attitude of the day, there
were brief moments of relief. I was actually a little bit bossy during lunch
(shocking, I know!) Most of the family had gone through the food line and went
to sit down. Somehow our two cousins ended up at a table all by themselves on
the other side of the room. That just didn’t go over well with me. J
I went over there and made some joke about excommunication, and then strongly
urged (ok, ordered) them to come sit with us. J
Over lunch I had the opportunity to talk with
the cousins, my Abuela and Abuelo, Pastor D, and Pastor N. Pastor N
has been to Haiti before, so that was mostly what we talked about. All the
fellowship that occurred made me think of Grandma. She would have loved being
surrounded by so many friends and family that she hadn’t seen in a long time.
She was always in her element amongst a crowd.
Sadly we had to say our goodbyes in order to
go have the graveside service. God blessed us with a beautiful day. The sun
shone bright and clear, and the temperatures were far warmer than they were the
last time we were at the cemetery.
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Being
at the graveside in the exact same spot where we buried Grandpa was difficult.
The dirt around his grave was still fresh.
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After Pastor D had said a few words and
prayed with us, he shared some personal words with our family. I know I have
said it countless times before, but he was such a blessing to us through all of
this. ‘Though we may not see him again on this earth, we can look forward to an
eternity of rejoicing together with all believers in heaven one day.
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We
traipsed through the mud and slush to go back and see Grandma and Grandpa’s
grave. The spot they picked was absolutely beautiful.
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Before we left the cemetery, we said our
goodbyes to the Virginia cousins who were returning home that day. There were
many rounds of hugs as well as a final prayer-time together for travel safety.
We are so thankful that they could come, because we were really blessed by
their presence there.
That afternoon, we returned to Grandma and
Grandpa’s house and tried to unwind. Mom and I went on a walk while the others
continued to go through Grandma and Grandpa’s things at the house.
That evening we went out to Grandma and Grandpa’s
favorite local restaurant to celebrate a worthy achievement by Roma. That very
morning, she had finished reading through her Bible (the first time all the way
through) in one year.
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Everyone
enjoying their dinner at the restaurant.
Photo
Credit: Our waitress.
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At dinner was when all the emotions started
catching up with me. I kept thinking about the times we had joined Grandpa at
the restaurant following a visit with Grandma at the nursing home.
When we got back home, I slipped out onto the
dark screened porch and sat down on the glider. The tears and sobs came
flooding out. How many times had I sat out there with Grandma and Grandpa on a
warm summer afternoon, talking, rocking, and watching the birds outside the
window? I remembered the cool summer evenings when I would sit on the glider
beside Grandma with the space heater at our feet, listening to the trains on
the tracks behind their house. I cried at the realization that I would never do
those things again.
After all that stress-release, I went inside
and started going through the box of cards and letters that Grandma had saved
over the years. We ended up going to bed pretty late that night, but exhausted
from the long day.
*The
remaining posts about the events following Grandma’s death will be a bit vague,
purposely. I can’t share all the details, but there were some serious issues
that came up that we had to deal with. These events changed a lot of our plans
for the week. I appreciate your understanding in our desire to keep these
matters private. But please do pray for a quick settlement of Grandma and
Grandpa’s estate and all the details surrounding it.*
To
be continued . . .
